Teacher Devotion for the Week of February 7, 2010

TEACH ME HOW TO HANDLE IRATE PARENTS

Proverbs 15:1 “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”

    Unfortunately, parents sometimes become angry and attacking toward teachers.  Should this happen to you, keep this in mind.  Students usually slant reports in their favor, and, often the parents are responding to inaccurate information.  Assume that there is a misunderstanding.  This assumption will allow you deal with the conflict correctly.

    Should a parent storm into your classroom during class, you need to say, "Excuse me.  Let's talk outside."  Then, step into the hallway.  If the parent does not quiet down, begin walking toward the principal's office.  Let the parent know that this is a bad time, but that you will be glad to make an appointment.  You must not allow him to attack you before the children.  Remain calm and in control.  Do not try to defend yourself.  Simply explain that this is not the best time to talk.  Do not go ahead and have the conference with the parent.  Leave the parent at the office for the purpose of making an appointment and return to your class.

    During a parents conference, be determined to remain calm. Anger belittles your position and takes away your control.  Anytime a parent forcefully and loudly expresses their anger toward you, you will be tempted to answer them with the same tone and same force.  However, as a professional, you should answer calmly, quietly, and professionally.  You might say something like, "I see that you are upset, and we do need to discuss this matter.  However, I trust that we can handle this calmly since we both want what is best for your child."

    The Scriptures teaches us that a "soft answer" turns away wrath.  The only way you can give a "soft answer" after a verbal attack, especially an attack that is inaccurate and personally offensive, is to be a walking dead man.  That is  a person who has learned to be crucified with Christ and  is willing to allow the Spirit of God to respond rather than your human nature.

    It helps to ASSUME that there has been a misunderstanding.  LISTEN to the parent's complaint and try to discern what the problem is.  When you do speak, instead of defending yourself, first SUMMARIZE their complaint and ask them if you understood them right.  Here's an example:  "Mr. Smith, I understand that you feel that I am picking on your child by giving him a detention for something he didn't do.”  You have just CHECKED his message--the father now knows that you heard his complaint.  His emotions can come under control due to your soft answer, and he will be prepared to hear your explanation.  Your soft tone will also make it obvious how loud and harsh his own tone is.  If you were wrong, be quick to apologize.  If not, give more explanation regarding the situation to help him understand your response.

 
    Should the father refuse to calm down, you should stand and say something like this, "Mr. Smith, perhaps we need to speak to the principal regarding this matter.  Let's see if he is in the office."  This is not a request for his permission, but a statement of your decision.  Be assertive by walking toward the office and discontinuing the conversation. Do not continue a conference that has become unproductive or volatile.

Dear God, I need wisdom for times like these.  Teach me to be like you, to think your thoughts, to speak your words.  Help me learn to speak softly in times of conflict.